From where I sit, the presidential campaign looks unreal. I was so confused by Trump’s “campaign” that I lost track of time. I’ve always thought the election couldn’t be that close if Trump was going to do that horrible dance at the end. I spent many days trying to match my sense of time with my calendar. When I learned that the World Series was starting this coming Friday, I almost lost my mind.
The last time I felt transported back in time was in 1984, when I heard that Ronald Reagan had won a second term in the White House. Somehow it just passed me by. I was distracted by starvation and other possibilities and the end of life. The realization that I turned 35 in the middle of this year was just another moment of crisis that I had to face.
I don’t know what to make of Trump’s recent actions. Now, after all these years (Arnold Palmer passed away over eight years ago), Trump now feels the need to tell us how blessed he was. why? How will this help him get elected? One possibility is that he’s losing it by living in a bubble entirely of his own making. Or maybe he still can’t get over what people say about his small hands.
Let’s consider other explanations. So perhaps he is more postmodern than we give him credit for. Perhaps the 39 minutes of music and dance was intended to deconstruct the music of the 1960s and 1970s, with Ave Maria inserted as an anchor. What is the difference between Ave Maria, YMCA, and Ave Maria? (He doesn’t know what either song is about.)
Then I started to find out that he used to be a huge Roy Cohn fan. I’m sure he was also a big fan of Andy Kaufman. If it weren't for the physical difference, I think he would have been Andy Kaufnan, just older and older. He’s probably forgotten the lyrics to the Mighty Mouse song by now.
And as the election approaches, there will be a renewed emphasis on using the National Guard and military, if necessary, to capture America’s enemies inside the country. But it turns out the top two on his enemies list are not enemies of America, but Trump’s personal enemies: Nancy Pelosi and Adam Schiff. So is he going to all the trouble to suspend the Constitution so he can send the US military after Nancy Pelosi? Is he that small?
Now, let’s understand the calendar again. This column will run on October 23rd, the World Series starts on October 25th, and another column will run on October 30th, with Halloween the next day. The World Series should be over by next Monday at the latest. (Can there be overtime? I don’t think so, but that’s not my ball.)
And the next day, Americans will decide, by a narrow margin, whether to vote for someone who has probably never read the Constitution or someone who probably knows it inside and out.
Now that I have a schedule, I feel better.
Elections are so messy that I needed to change the subject. Here are some headlines that caught my eye for a minute or two. It’s not as earth-shaking as the fate of the world and everyone on it, but I needed to see it. “Researchers have discovered that Earth has only six continents instead of seven.”
What the researchers did was double check all the tectonic data and conclude that North America and Europe are one continent. That’s one, and the rest are South America, Africa, Asia, Australia, and Antarctica. How can North America and Europe be the same continent? Well, they say the two of them are not completely separated, almost stuck together underwater!
So what about North and South America? They are still stuck together on land. The Panama Canal is not considered underwater because it passes through land. So what about Europe and Asia? After all, they are stuck together with land in between. I count four continents, guess what?
Anyway, the key to the idea that North America and Europe belong together is Iceland. The continents are spread apart there and are underwater around the island. This means that all of the geologists’ previous calculations are ruined and they are all shifted in space.
It’s like Iceland is another squirrel! It distracts the geologist.
Dr. Wes is a true change cycle specialist, but in addition to his spreadsheet skills, he writes this weekly column about what’s interesting to him about recent events. Dr. Wes has contributed to this paper since 1994. Curious about his process or responding to one of his columns? Get in touch with him at (email protected).
Read more in the October 23-29, 2024 issue.
