I had the pleasure of attending high school in the late 90’s. Country music, alternative, and gangster rap echoed through the halls of our high schools, providing the soundtrack to our lives.
I was watching the news the other day and learned that 90’s country superstar Garth Brooks has been accused of rape. Instinctively, my first thought was, “No, not Garth.”
As a woman, I believe women’s opinions when it comes to cases of rape, abuse, and assault. But what about my love for that musician and band as a lifelong fan?
Jokes, memes, and lunchroom conversations about rappers Puff Daddy, Diddy, and Sean Combs are almost always accurate. If the criminal charges against him are true, Mr. Combs has made a pickle for himself and his empire.
The list of musicians for whom Combs has produced music is long and includes Notorious B.I.G., Mariah Carey, TLC, Mary J. Blige, Jennifer Lopez, Jay-Z, and more.
My inner struggle begins. Biggie worked so closely with Diddy, should I stop listening to him? What about other musicians who are connected by my memories and glory days?
Dave Grohl recently admitted to having an extramarital affair and impregnating a woman. My brain stumbles when I try to imagine never hearing “Nirvana” or “Foo Fighters" again.
Kanye West has repeatedly made comments in recent years expressing anti-Semitic and racially derogatory views and language. While some may give West a pass because of his bipolar disorder, many cannot take his hurtful comments lightly.
West’s actions shocked me deeply. His music was a regular part of my life in my 20s. The foundations of so many core memories and friendships were formed while listening to him play.
I think everyone has a fine, invisible line between what they can tolerate and what they should not turn away from.
When R. Kelly’s documentary Surviving R. Kelly was released in 2019, I was transfixed by the horror that was unfolding before my eyes. That documentary stuck with me and evoked feelings of sadness for the girls involved.
I went through my music list and deleted all the songs he sang. I can’t imagine listening to those songs again without thinking about the abused women he hurt.
I went through a similar process of deleting Combs’ music after seeing the video of him beating his ex-girlfriend, Kathy Ventura. “It’s All About the Benjamins” and “Mo Money Mo Problems” visited the same musical desert island that R. Kelly lives on.
I have decided not to actively listen to West’s music anymore. Sometimes his songs come on my old playlists, and I listen to them not to cheer on West, but to remember the memories associated with them.
I don’t buy West albums anymore. If he had publicly apologized for his comments and shown an effort to correct his mistakes, I might have second thoughts. He hasn’t realized it yet so I’m not very optimistic.
People are human and make mistakes. I’m disappointed in Grohl, but if I deleted all the songs by artists who had extramarital affairs or impregnated someone from a monogamous relationship, I wouldn’t have any music left. .
If the allegations against Brooks prove true, his music will be added to the island as well. We hope he’s a greater man than he’s accused of, but as you can see, our heroes are always unworthy to wear the mantle bestowed on them by their fans.
For artists who commit heinous acts, condone them, or turn a blind eye when they see or hear something, you are the problem. What you try to do in the dark will eventually come to light.
If you are a victim of domestic violence or rape, there are great resources to help you.
The Women’s Center of Fort Worth is a valuable resource to help women with sexual assault and domestic violence. They offer programs that provide counseling, options for getting out of domestic violence situations, and even services that help women find careers.
Please report the account to the police. They will help keep these squeezballs from leaving you or hurting other women. If you need help with that, I’m your friend who can tell you how to get help and resources. you are never alone.
