classic french toast
Source: Photo and food courtesy of Julian Clauss-Ehlers
Yay! We are in a romantic relationship. The relationship we longed for and desired. Our long and committed partnership has finally come to fruition.
But once we have this committed relationship that we wanted, how do we manage it long term? How do we negotiate the different needs and expectations that naturally arise between ourselves and our partners?
It’s important to think about the impact stress has on relationships, as external stressors unrelated to the partnership can cause relationships to deteriorate over time. My husband Julian and I, like many others, certainly witnessed this during the COVID-19 outbreak when he suddenly lost his job as a chef. This was an external stressor that had nothing to do with our relationship, but with us struggling with financial burdens, worries about an unknown future, and the fear and uncertainty of a pandemic that threatens everything. Of course it had a big impact. us.
How do we deal with the external stressors that seem to seep into our personal lives and make them more difficult to deal with?
And what can you do to reduce the impact these stressors have on your relationships?
As Julian and I approach the milestone of our wedding anniversary, I’ve been thinking about these questions. Here are some things that come to mind. These are shared in the hope that they will resonate with your experiences.
Listen to and respond to each other’s needs and concerns
It’s natural to get so busy during the day that we forget to intentionally make time for our relationships. There are many things that pull us together: work, school, kids, etc. They keep us running in every direction except our partner.
When this becomes a pattern, we may begin to feel excluded and even unappreciated. If we are dealing with stress on our own without having dedicated time to deal with it as a partnership, the stress can start to feel insurmountable. Rather than being fluffy and light, the French toast is soggy in the middle and feels like it’s getting heavier as you eat it.
Given the stressors that Julianne and I have experienced during the pandemic, we describe ‘perceptions of partner responsiveness’ as a buffer against coronavirus-related stressors that impact how we feel about our relationships. It was interesting to come across a study (Balzarini et al., 2022). Perceived partner responsiveness refers to the extent to which we perceive that our partner cares about us and understands our experiences. People who felt their partner cared about them reported more positive feelings about their relationship amid coronavirus-related stressors. In contrast, people who did not perceive their partners to be reactive reported more negative relationship emotions (Balzarini et al., 2022).
It’s no wonder that relationships improve when people feel valued. One of the things that struck me about this study was the idea that feeling valued by your partner is very powerful and can help you cope with external stressors in your life. I believe that listening to Julian’s concerns helped him maintain his confidence and help him find a position that suited his skills when the time came.
I’m reminded of the saying that it’s the “little things” that make a big difference in our lives. If recognition of care is so important, perhaps it’s the small details that can tell our partners that we care about them. A card at the counter greets us with a “hello” after a long day. The dishes are cleaned up so we don’t have to. Leave the lights on so you can navigate your way when you get home after a long day at work. Pamper your partner with classic French toast and breakfast in bed.
I remember that one of the ways Julian and I dealt with financial stress was by spending time together. This was something we didn’t have throughout our married life, considering the demanding chef job. This gave rise to the idea for a book that combined our seemingly disparate fields of expertise: food and psychology. Our book Eating Together, Being Together (Clauss-Ehlers & Clauss-Ehlers, 2022) is about this time of increased communication during the coronavirus pandemic and the many things we prepared and shared as a family. Born from food.
Coping with stress as a couple
Ironically, the people we love the most are often the ones who best testify to our stress. Sometimes we get so overwhelmed that we project our emotions onto our partners, sometimes without even realizing we’re doing it.
cook together
Source: Photo and food courtesy of Julian Clauss-Ehlers
When I see couples in therapy in my private practice, I often find that external stressors become so strong that couples lose sight of each other as they struggle to cope with what is in front of them. That’s true. By supporting, stepping back to see the big picture, and recognizing that each person wants the same positive outcome, couples can learn to deal with stressors together rather than against each other. can. Dyadic coping (Falconier et al., 2015) occurs when people try to help their partners cope with stress and work together as a team when stressful situations arise.
Necessities for relationships
couple cooking
Making time to have fun and nurture each other is at the heart of our book. There’s no better way to show your partner you care than by making classic French toast for breakfast in bed. Or, you can get ready together, work on the binge in the kitchen, and then head right back to bed on weekend mornings.
Cooking for each other not only nurtures your body, but also your relationships in a variety of delicious ways.
stale brioche
Source: Photo by Julian Clauss-Ehlers
Sustainability suggestion: Stale bread actually makes better French toast because it absorbs custard better than fresh bread. Stale bread helps give flavor and texture to the outside and center of classic French toast.
classic french toast
material
2 large eggs
1/2 cup whole milk
2 tablespoons maple syrup
1 tablespoon granulated sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla essence
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1 pinch of fine sea salt
4 slices of stale brioche or challah bread, about 3/4 inch thick
4 tablespoons unsalted butter
Confectioners’ sugar (also known as powdered sugar)
fruit for decoration
For 4 people
direction
In a medium bowl, whisk together eggs, milk, maple syrup, sugar, vanilla, cinnamon, and salt. Dip each brioche slice into the egg mixture, making sure the bread is completely soaked. While you’re preparing the pan, pile the soaked bread onto a plate.
In one large skillet or two small skillets, melt the butter over medium heat until it begins to foam. Add the soaked bread and cook for 2 to 3 minutes or until the edges begin to brown.
berries and spices
Source: Photo by Julian Clauss-Ehlers
Flip the bread and cook the other side for 2 to 3 minutes or until golden brown. Remove the French toast from the skillet and place on a cutting board. Cut each slice in half diagonally.
Place two halves on each of four plates.
Garnish the finished dish with fruit and sprinkle a little sugar on top for a restaurant-style finish.
Enjoy breakfast in bed with your partner and take time to nourish your relationship and yourself.
Thank you to Dr. Carolyn Newberger for her review and feedback.
